Fear

Who am I? As I was yesterday and will be forever, I am saved by Grace and loved by the Star-Breather, Life-Giver and Heart-Shaper. But today, more than anything, I am scared. Isn't it funny that I can be both of those things at the same time? I'm scared due to multiple things. As a man of God and someone who desires to grow in Him daily, I don't see the growth or maturity that I desire. Maybe that's selfish, maybe I shouldn't be so me-oriented and look at all the opportunities I've been giving, but I look at me now and I look at me 6 months ago and I don't see a difference. I feel as though I should be over XYZ. I feel as though I should enjoy reading my Bible, I should always desire spiritual nourishment and I can't say that I do.

I fear going into this next school year by myself. My brother is gone at college and I'm an upperclassmen now. What am I supposed to do? I have peers watching me daily expecting to see how to model their lives in the next few years. What if I give an example that isn't Christ like? What does that say about Sheboygan County Christian High School? And if I do stumble in this way, I don't have my brothers as a fall back, I can't talk to them on the way home from school for advice and I certainly can't leave the leadership to them. 

I fear that there are rifts in between people that won't be fixed and I'm scared that I'm growing tired, or worse, apathetic about helping those relations grow. 

I'm scared because I don't feel ready to be the oldest.

But I am content and at peace. 

Because my faith and my relationship with God is not dependent on my actions or my abilities.

Because God has started a job within my life and He will not let it go unfinished.

Because through my struggles, Christ will bring glory to Himself.

Because God has been there for me in every moment of my life. And He will still be there even when my brothers aren't.

Because my parents have been there for me in every moment of my life and they still will be even when my brothers aren't.

Because I have friends who love God and they will be here for me, even when my brothers aren't.

Because I have brothers who care about me and will be there for me, even if they can't be in person.

Because all of my friends at SCCHS aren't waiting for me to fail.

Because when I walk the halls, I have The Spirit in me, Christ around me and The Father watching over me.

Because God has instilled in me a love for my school and by His grace, I'm not the one in charge of leading it, He is.

Because I'm not alone. I have the best friends in the world.

Because I'm not the oldest. The people above me are so wise, so gracious and so good.

Because God's goodness outshines my flaws 

I'm afraid of this year, but infinitely more, I am excited and blessed. God has been good and He won't stop. The story goes on and the suspense builds, but the Hero is unfazed. Luckily, the hero isn't me, I'm just a supporting character.